There are sometimes I sincerely wish I had an "off switch" to my brain.
I have just spent the last 4 hours in my bed trying to go to sleep.
(I really should have resorted to some medicinal intervention - tylenol pm or half an ambien or something. I can't now because I have to be awake in a little over 3 hours to get my daughter off to seminary and then get on with my day)
I tried a few different relaxing techniques, reading for awhile, even some white noise.
However, none of that really works because when it is quiet I have all these thoughts swirling on in my brain. My brain seems to be very sensitive to any type of stimuli. And with my brain going like crazy, it is very hard to sleep.
Since I am up and I am not in the right frame of mind to work (I find that my creativity is lacking when I am exhausted), I figured I would lay out what's on my mind here for the heck of it . . .
- How is it that I can never get everything completely done on my to do list? Is it that I just put too much on it or is it that I lack focus or is it that I spend more time than is necessary on things?
- I need to set myself apart. I am in the process of redesigning my client brochure, portrait agreement, product care instructions, client cards, website, etc. etc. because I don't think it sells me as well as it should and I have been copied (this bugs!!). My clients have told me they chose me because I am very personable and that I and my images that I produce are real, natural. They also love that I give a lot of variety. And so I am trying to make sure that what I am doing expresses personal connection, honesty, personality, emotion, uniqueness. I am also trying to give the people who come to me "seedlings of ideas". Inception is a powerful thing. (It's not just an amazing movie.) If you get a client to think an idea or have a dream, and you fulfill that dream or bring that idea to fruition, you sell more of your work, and you create an experience that they client will return for again and again.
- Soccer is stressing me out. My kids love soccer. They live for it. However, at the moment, they are NOT liking it and sometimes HATING it. Soccer is a team sport. If you are playing with a team that does not work well together or in which the other players' skills or work ethic are lacking, it becomes a frustrating experience. We need to figure out what to do after the spring season is over.
- Many friends work in the teaching profession and at the current moment, budget cuts are leaving some of them without a teaching position for next year. These friends are very dedicated to their students and to teaching and I find it sad that they must leave when there are so many bad teachers in the school system - those who do not care about their students or who have no clue how to teach
- Parenting my kids as they get older is getting harder. I find it harder to discipline in such a way that they benefit and learn from the experience.
- My birthday came and went. All I wanted was one day where I did not have to do anything for anyone else and that I could just concentrate on doing something for myself. Is that selfish? It is more than likely it will not happen. This birthday was kind of a bummer.
- I often feel that I am my own support system. While it is good to be self-reliant, it would be so nice to be able to or have someone I could ask for help. Does wanting help make me weak?
- I think I suck at giving advice on boys to my daughter. She has often asked me "Why do no boys like me? Why do they only like my friends?" I have told her not to worry about boys and just worry about school and having fun. I told her to just be herself. She told me that still doesn't answer her questions. :P Boy expert I am not. Boys didn't like me either (back in high school)so I am not sure how to give advice.
- I am kind of in a bummed-out mood at the moment. I need to listen to some of the Conference talks again. I need counsel. I need a source of upliftment.
- Life is so expensive. And yet I need to figure out how to spend less. It is a conundrum. How do you spend less when everything in life is costing more?
I know for certain that there were other thoughts that ran through my mind in the last 4 hours but now as I have been writing this, my mind is drawing a blank and I am finally beginning to feel that perhaps I can fall asleep. Yay me! Perhaps blogging does have hidden benefits.
